Expect Success!

I met a guy today who has "lost everything and started over" four times in his life. It reminded me of something Donald Trump said, that if he lost his fortune today, it wouldn't even matter. No one can take away his experience and wisdom. He knows how "the system" works, and he'd just create his empire again.

Is that what I'm supposed to learn from my financial challenges right now, that it really isn't the economy, the job market or the balance on my credit card that matters - it's what's in my head and my heart that counts! I have skills, talents and gifts that nobody else has. This circumstance is compelling me to share the essence of who I am, with many more people.

There are other options. I could live in government housing and live on food stamps. Women choose this all the time. I'm not going to "take this lying down". I'm a fighter. I view trials and challenges as opportunities to show exactly what we're made of.

I am a champion; a woman of great capacity - as I radiate the joy that comes from living God's perfect plan of happiness. He wouldn't allow this test to come into my experience without also giving me the ability to work my way out of it. (1 Nephi 3:7) Having God on my side, I expect to succeed. I live my life as a river - constantly surprised by it's own unfolding. I can't wait to see what's around the next bend. It's an amazing adventure. ~ Julia

Staying in the Flow

I'm finding out what happens when you are committed and when you do admit you're powerless. What I'm starting to see is that things move to a place of ease and flowing. Things begin to happen. Sometimes they aren't big things, yet. Sometimes they are just little things, like ideas or interactions with someone. But there is a quality to the ideas and to the interaction that feels different. It feels like something is opening up. It feels good, exciting even. It has an effect on your day. It is easier to feel grateful and blessed.
So, what's next when you begin to feel this way? Keep it going, of course, but you can't force it. If you try to force it, you move out of the space and move into ego. Ego wants to force everything. Listen for the feeling of resistance or forcing or frustration beginning and stop there. It's time to focus on something else. You can come back to it later when it's the right time. Balance is part of it. If there are other priorities like home, children, husband, etc, those need to be given time, attention, presence. That is the way to continue the flow. Remember to do the rituals that you have set for each of your priorities, maintaining the commitment. Then it will come back around and it will be time to again work on the idea. And because you listened to those feelings of maintaining balance and priority, I suspect, the ideas and the next steps will follow. I will try this and learn and we will hopefully see what it is like to remain in the flow. Let's try this experiment together. ~ Julie

Actions are linked to beliefs

Beliefs create actions. We can always see someone's behaviors, and know that they are linked to their core beliefs. If I don't like the results (the symptoms) of my choices, I can be sure that what's at the foundation, the real problem, is my messed up belief - because my life is a perfect reflection of what I believe. My circumstances are congruent with how I view myself and the world that surrounds me. If I were on "a higher vibration", better things would be happening to me. I attract who I am, not what I want. I can say I want something with my words, but my choices and actions, (driven by my beliefs), bring me my results, my circumstances.

This is a rough reality for someone who married a controlling man, has seven children, is divorced and who's "wasband" just quit paying child support and alimony. What do these facts say about me? Where am I. I won't let myself deserve anything other than what I've got right now, at this very moment.

Somehow I will find and fix the beliefs that are causing these undesirable results. I will become liberated from the deception and lies that I've bought into all my life. I will uncover and re-examine "what makes me tick". I will choose new, healthier beliefs to live my life by.

When this happens, I will find a job that is perfect for me, using my talents and extra ordinary genius. I will make enough money to be self sufficient, and support myself and my little ones. I will fix up the home I live in, or sell it and move to a new home that is in good repair. I will exercise and eat more healthy more consistently. I will feel close to the spirit, being guided by the Lord and having an inner peace that permeates everything I do. I will find and fall in love with the man of my dreams - we will be equally yoked, and complete this amazing journey side by side. I will drive a truck. I'll be completely out of debt. I'll be the co-founder of an incredible women's center, where women come to be strengthened, blessed, nurtured and healed.

When I expose one core belief at a time, everything about me and the circumstances that surround me will change. I'm committed to being patient with myself, knowing that life brings me everything I need at the perfect time and in the perfect way. I can't go from A to Z in a single bound. I'm content to savor the lessons and enjoy the journey. Life is an amazing adventure. I accept and embrace where I am now, and look forward to all the wonderful things that await me in the future. ~ Julia

I am Powerless

So, I learned something this past week. I learned that no matter how hard I try to change myself, I cannot do it alone. I believe that I have to depend on a Higher Power to change me. I have to admit that I cannot do the changing and I need help. You see, my husband and I have been doing all we know how to do in changing our financial situation. We use affirmations, we are grateful, we pay tithing, we serve others, we work hard, we are good people, we are believing. But these things aren't enough. We have to be changed at the heart. We have to emit a different energy than we do. And we can only do so much toward that energy emitting. To actually change our vibration to a higher one in terms of financial abundance, we have to ask God to grace us with that. So, I will still do all that I can do to change, to improve our situation. But I will also, every day, turn it over to God. I will admit I need Him. I will and do ask Him to change me. Here is my poem about this:

"I am powerless" . . .
When I act it
Or when I say it
Disguised in other words,
Then it is true.
But when I say it,
When I acknowledge it
And turn to Source
It brings power
Transforms to
"I am powerful". . .
It's the only way
I just say it
"I am powerless"
And I fall to my knees.

So as I let go and let God, I know I will be taught and I know I will be guided. May it be so for you too. ~Julie

A visit to the Manti Temple

I went to the Manti temple last week. I was married there. I've been back many times, but this time, going as a single woman was very different than any other time I've been. I remembered things. I somehow saw everything in a different light, because of my recent past. I remembered my Mother in law being impatient and controlling on our wedding day. I sat in the Celestial room, on the very couch where my husband and I sat, right before being led into the sealing room to be married. We were the first couple sealed in that temple when it was rededicated in August of 1985. It is an incredible sanctuary. The spiral staircases are masterpieces.

I looked into a mirror, which had another mirror directly across from it, at the base of one of those staircases. In each sealing room they have opposing mirrors that make the images go on forever. This time, as I stood alone, in my full temple clothes, I saw my image go on and on. I thought about my journey, my courage. I thought about my mother and her mother and my female ancestors from many generations back. I felt like the offering of my life was acceptable to my Heavenly Father - that I am enough. I've made mistakes. I've learned from my mistakes. I've grown into a champion because of my trials and obstacles. I still have so far to go, but I know that I strive to give my best each and every day, and that is all that is required - Christ makes up the difference.

I was able to feel a great sense of closure because of my visit to this particular temple. I revisited past feelings and memories. I questioned things and came away pleased with the answers that I was able to give myself. Divorcing was the single best decision that I've ever made. "Sticking it out", "Enduring to the end", was never God's plan, when one of His precious daughters is being controlled, manipulated and betrayed. I've been promised "all that the Father hath" if I will but be faithful. I love the Lord with all my heart. I will keep my covenants. I will be faithful, so in this life or the next, it really doesn't matter, I will be blessed to be partnered with, equally yoked with a wonderful, worthy husband. This I know.

But for now, I am enough. I am good enough, strong enough, beautiful enough, smart enough and courageous enough to do all that the Father asks of me, because He will be at my side. He will be my strength and my support. If the Lord is with us, we cannot fail. I expect to succeed. I am only responsible for myself and my actions. So maybe I didn't succeed at marriage, but I feel that I'm succeeding at life. ~ Julia

The Beauty of the Obstacle

I had an awakening moment this weekend. I got to go with my husband to a reunion with his old college roommates. We all went to BYU back about 20 years ago. Even though the campus is less than an hour from my house, I haven't made a point to go back and visit. I had some alone time walking around after a tour of campus and a short movie about how BYU came to be. During my alone time I felt some strong feelings surge through me. I realized that I had some negative feelings about my college experience, not because it was negative for me. It was actually very positive. I learned how to live on my own. I felt the strong sense of Spirit infused in my acedemic classes because of the nature of the school. I met my husband there. I accomplished something not so easy, a bachelor's degree. These were all very positive. But what I came to realize was that I had had some expectations leaving college, my husband and I. We had expectations that we would find it easy to make income and provide for our family. That has not been the case and I have subconsciously had some blame toward the school and really probably the culture that "promised" me an easy life if I followed the rules. Or so I thought. I guess I really hadn't wanted to go back to BYU to visit. I didn't really have very much loyalty to the school, and I've never taken any of my kids there to visit.
When this all came to my realization, I was amazed. In reality I am very grateful for the experience at BYU that I had. I am who I am, partly because of my experience there. I am blessed to have been able to have had those experiences. And what is really true is that college did educate and prepare me in many ways. The path that we have taken with financial difficulty has also been valuable. I am grateful for it too.
Later on, after our tour and everything, we went to the art museum there on campus. I found a particular painting inside that put it all into perspective for me. It was a beautiful view of the side of a mountain, a rock wall straight up and very wide across. The artist said his inspiration for painting this scene was a hiking trip he went on, at which he was following a trail and came upon a similar scene. This huge obstacle was in his way which halted his journey, yet at the same time it was such an amazingly beautiful scene. His message to me was that even my biggest and seemingly insurmountable obstacles in life are beautiful because of what they are teaching me.
My financial obstacles that have seemed so big and difficult to overcome have also brought me to my gifts and to my dreams, and those are the most beautiful things to me. And as I continue to climb and find my way through, I know that the lessons and the beauty of the journey will grow into my most valuable insights and accomplishments. I am grateful, for the obstacles and for BYU. I think I'll take my kids on an outing. ~ Julie

Get up!

I received a phone call Monday that forever changed my life. I have been a stay at home Mom for the last 22 years. I only "worked" for one year during that time, as a Mary Kay sales director. When I heard that there would be no money coming in this month, and that the future looked doubtful and unstable financially, I way propelled into a different world.

It's been so long since I've felt hopeless and helpless, that I've forgotten how to do it, and how to get out of it. I catch myself holding my breath, I wonder why. I'm used to being in control of my life, having the confidence that everything will work out, that I can handle anything that comes my way. Do I hold my breath, subconsciously hoping to slow things down enough to be able to sort things out and bring things back into a manageable space again?

Where do I go from here? What do I do? How do I create thousands of dollars of income a month when I have not been in the workplace for decades and don't even have a degree? I sing, I dance, I do Listening Coaching, I speak Spanish and I love people. These are my gifts, my talents and skills - my Extra Ordinary Genius.

I've transformed many areas of my life in the last few years, why is the financial area so terrifying to me? I've had experience with the Lord doing huge miracles. There are unlearned lessons that lie ahead in these uncharted waters. He wants me to learn and grow and progress. Isn't that why we're here on the earth. I'll take a step out into the unknown. I take action, make some small effort, any effort will get me out of my comfort zone. If I just start moving, the way will open up. Opportunities and abundance are all around me, I know, my eyes are just blind to them right now. I will make the effort, set tiny goals and achieve them one by one. I will enlist the help of those around me, who love me. If I don't move my feet, how can God guide my footsteps? In three months from today my whole life will look remarkably different/better. My intention is to move full steam ahead, in whatever path that presents itself, and soon it will be evident how all the pieces of this puzzle fit. A beautiful picture of my new life is about to unfold. ~ Julia

Awakening Just Keeps Happening

Today I really did it. By the time I’m done writing this blog entry, I will have spent 3 hours on work, only items that work toward our goals financially or business-wise count. First I made a plan of what needed to happen during my work at home time. Then I tried to do the hardest things first. Making phone calls is my hardest thing, but I did make 3 today. Then I did some study & writing, did some email and computer work, and a few other things. Okay so it wasn’t super productive, but I did my best. And I will again. And if I continue putting forth the effort into these projects, I will succeed. Things will start to happen. I do believe that now. So with my faith firmly in place, I go forward.
How does this all apply to awakening? For me to realize that the things I do matter, they can make a difference, just breakthrough and do the hard stuff, do any action, don’t let myself be paralyzed, don’t let myself be distracted, “doing” all of this stuff is huge for me. It’s making me a more present and awake person It’s solidifying for me that movement, action coupled with a faith that the little things will add up and that Divine providence will step in and make things happen that I couldn’t have predicted. This is my awakening. Because awakening just keeps happening if we let it. If we take a look at ourselves and our results, what needs to change? It is always us. We are the only ones that we can affect. Our lives are the way they are because of what we’ve got down and because of what we are still working on. I have found this true in my life. So I will just keep doing something, the best somethings I can come up with, and look forward with anticipation to the beauties that lie ahead. ~Julie

Facing My Fears

Fear. I think fear undermines our success in life more than anything. I think fear controls us more than anything. Why are we so paralyzed by fear? I know I am. There are fears about a million little things in regard to our success. I'm not sure I can really do it. It may take more than I can give. It may be the wrong direction completely. What will others think of me? and a million more. But it all boils down to fear. Fear that we are not enough. Fear of our greatness. These are the real fears. And when I really think about it and stop letting unconscious beliefs rule, I know beyond any doubt, cognitively, that I am enough, it's okay to be all that I am. Yet the power of the fear remains. And the only way to deal with it is to go straight through. As is always said, we must "face our fears", so that we can know inside that they are not the truth.
So then, if this is all true, we should be spending our lives looking for opportunities to expose our fears and then do those things we fear until we no longer fear them. What a way to live life. Especially for someone like me who wants to experience peace and comfort in my life as much as possible. Yet also, I have been someone to expose myself to the illusions of life and bring greater reality into the lives of people I work with in my practice. It is such a paradox of life, that the thing we want most is what we are most afraid to go and get. And unless we want to pretend we don't want it anymore and slip into "sleep", we've got to go and do it. Today I will go and face my fears once again. Maybe you can too. ~ Julie

Attitude

I got a mammogram today. Self care is crucial when you're single. I have to take care of me, because no one else will. Really, no one else can. I have 100% responsibility to take care of my own needs, and make myself happy. Everyone does really. No one else can "make" us happy.

When I wake up in the morning I get to choose what kind of day I'm going to live. Will it be wonderful or frustrating, because really no matter what the situation or circumstances are in our lives, we get to choose our attitude.

It's been interesting learning how to lower my expectations when I'm not feeling "up to par". I allow myself to take it easy, take a hot bath, eat a treat, take a walk. I give myself permission to go to bed early and let the children read quietly in their rooms after evening prayer. If I'm honest about where I am and how I'm feeling, I can push myself to accomplish great tasks when I'm "at the top of my game", but when I'm feeling out of sorts, I acknowledge that as well, and "give myself a break".

It's funny. In the past, I've had a pattern of "falling apart" during my PMS time, but now I just schedule it in - in my planner I make a note to take it easy on myself that week, and things go SO MUCH BETTER now.

So, today I choose to have a super fantastic day! I choose to do several things that make me happy, that bring me joy. I choose to "put on my face", do my hair and go out into the world looking like a million bucks. I choose to cuddle my sweet children, to make a good meal, to go out dancing until I turn into a pumpkin. Today is the only day we have to live. Make it a good one.
~ Julia

Commitment

I finished my 3-day juice fast and I will report on how my intentions were met. My intentions were to cleanse my body, my home, and my mind, also to internally focus and show love and care for myself. I did, I'm sure, cleanse my body to some degree; I was faithful on the cleanse and didn't cheat or anything. My home did get some cleaning and my bedroom did get some de-cluttering, although it isn't finished. I did internally focus and show self-care really well on the first day. The second and third days were more busy, so not as much unfortunately. I did do some mental/emotional work that allowed for some de-cluttering of my mind. I let go of some mental confusion and I also committed to some daily rituals.
"Committed" is the word that became significant to me throughout these days of self-reflection. As I sat talking and doing some emotional work with my sister, she helped me see that I have had a problem with committing lately, if not throughout my life. I especially see it being a problem over the last six months or so. I ask myself why and the only answer that I come up with is fear. I've been afraid of failing, afraid of doing what it takes to succeed, and even afraid of success itself. I've been approaching new territory in my work and in my state of abundance. I haven't been comfortable with it. I have been sabotaging myself.
Well, since seeing this pattern in myself earlier in the week, I have taken some steps toward committment to my success. I worked hard to increase attendance to a class that was held at my house yesterday. I wrote a training on reaching out to others and sharing ourselves with them for my women's circle. And I've been working harder to reschedule clients when they come in. I have a commitment to work 3-4 hours a day to increase income. And I recommitted to my women's circle to be more actively involved.
In recommitting myself and putting in the time to show that commitment, I'm already seeing the karma of it in my life. I'm noticing that when you put time and effort into something, it comes back to you. Maybe not in the way you are expecting, but it does come. So I will count on that, as I go forward into my work and my abundance. I will work hard and I will look for the results from whatever direction they come. Even in the 3-day fast itself. I put forth the effort and results came in a completely different way than I expected. It's a beautiful thing! ~Julie