My Journey, Part 2 (childbirth)

Okay, so the next part of my journey is about childbirth. I gave birth 4 times. The first two I was asleep, the second two I had begun my journey to awakening. I am grateful for this in some ways, the contrast taught me a lot. What I didn't realize when I was asleep is that the medical world is very male dominated, very controlling, and not ideal for a low risk birth. Both my oldest son and my oldest daughter were low risk births. But, especially with my son, you wouldn't know so by the amount of medical intervention we experienced. I was scared into an epidural, which decreased my ability to be able to push properly, ending in a near c-section with episiotomy and pulling him out with "salad tongs". I lost so much blood that I almost needed a transfusion. Although I got to see him for a few minutes after the birth, I wasn't conscious for the first hours after that. I was to low on blood. It was a scary experience that left me feeling powerless. Yet, I didn't know there was any other way. Then child number two did arrive in a much more peaceful way, but still the doctors were in control. They said they were afraid of infection when I wanted to wait until the contractions started on their own after my water broke. So, they gave me some pitocin to get things moving. And because of that, I went ahead with the epidural again. Then, because the doctor wanted to be home by five, he had the nurses pushing on my stomach to get the baby to come sooner. My daughter was very unhappy when she was born. I feel like in her sadness and crying, she was teaching me. I didn't get it, still.
Not until a long time later when I was preparing to have my 3rd child. It was after I attended massage school and I had read a few books and realized that having babies in the hospital with male doctors and systems was not the only way to have your babies. I did a lot of healing as I prepared for this new way to birth. I wrote poetry and drew pictures, processed the old experiences and released beliefs. Child number three was born at home. It wasn't easy, by any means. It taught me a lot about myself and what I was capable of. It taught me that I could be empowered in the process of birthing. This daughter was born happy. My number 4 child was born in a birthing center, and was also a natural birth. I worked through some big stuff with him. I'm grateful for all of my children and the teaching they have done for my benefit and for their sacrifices for my learning.
What an amazing process the birthing process is! I am in awe of it everytime. When I hear beautiful birthing stories from more and more empowered women choosing their experience, it makes me so happy! ~Julie