A broken heart

Dating at age 47 is very different than dating at 18. I encounter men with such different backgrounds and life experience that I'm forced to be open minded, non judgmental and realize that there is good in every one of us. Some guys scare me. Some I wouldn't choose to spend another date with, let alone the rest of my life. But most have come to me to teach me something, to help me on my journey, to hold up a mirror for me to see all my unresolved issues. It's a fun, exciting, crazy, wild and amazing adventure.

I find myself developing attachments with some that I know are "bad for me", similar to what I chose in my codependent relationship with my former husband. I catch myself betraying what I desire most. I course correct, cry, do some shopping therapy, pray and then cry some more. I'm lucky to have learned so many invaluable lessons over the last couple of years. I have strict rules for dating now. My main rule right now is no lips. I find that once a kiss is given, it's hard for me to withhold my heart, and until I know for sure that the guy is going to "float my boat" for the rest of my life, I choose not to bestow that precious gift. I'm grateful to have gotten to know myself well enough to understand my triggers.

I read an incredible poem the other day that perfectly describes this phase of life that I'm going through:

AWAKE

If you are listening,
If you are awake
to the
poignant beauty of the world

Your heart breaks
regularly.

In fact, your heart
is made to break;

Its purpose is to burst open
Again and again
so that it can hold ever more wonders.

- Andrew Harvey

So the adventure continues. ~ Julia