Here I am

I got a hand analysis done this week. One thing I learned from it is that my life lessons include working with guilt and self-worth issues. I am very familiar with the self-worth issues. In fact, I was at a workshop this weekend and I found a belief that I didn't fully realize before. I found that I believed that it was safer to be invisible. Interesting. . . I saw that it's true, I would rather be in the background. I may even alter what I order at a restaurant or what I wear in order to be less visable to those around me.
Well, it was time to change that belief. My new belief is about the way I choose to enter a room full of people. I throw my arms out (even if it is just a little), and say to myself "Here I am", as if I were royalty. Because I am. I am the daughter of a King. I am a daughter of God. It serves Him, others, and myself to be visible. I have much to offer and so does everyone. We need to make ourselves more available to offer what we have. Hiding out doesn't give us that opportunity as often.
So, I open my drawer full of beautiful scarves that I've been collecting but been too afraid to wear, and I choose one and wear it. It feels a little scary to be seen, but also right. I challenge you to step out of your comfort zone today. Take a risk. Be a little bit more of who you are made visible. It's part of the process of awakening. ~Julie

Paradigm Shift

I had a huge paradigm shift last night. I had been feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, helpless and hopeless - I was a minus 37 on a scale from 1-10. For the second month in a row the day for the child support/alimony payment to be transferred into my account, came and went with no payment. I completely allowed myself to wallow in self pity and victim energy - I was not in a good place.

Last night I talked with an incredibly wise and insightful mentor who helped me to find my inner strength, take responsibility for my life and my circumstances, and make the decision that failure was not an option. I will not loose my home, move into government housing and live on food stamps. There is no reason on earth that someone with the unique talents and abilities that I have, to live on that vibration level.

Life is the question. I am the answer. I must answer. I must answer yes. Yes to accepting 100% responsibility for myself and my children, for my life and my happiness. I can succeed. I will succeed. I am enough. I am more than enough. I will recognize the "shilop" energy (that is a new word. It's shit, throw up and plop combined for theatrical purposes), look it in the eyes and because of my awareness of what I'm dealing with - choose to make the courageous, powerful choice of being my best self, living my best life, no matter what the circumstance or the people that surround me.

God's plans are much higher than our own. I'm going to relax and lean into the wind, flow with the current, let go and let God guide me. He's really in the driver's seat if I can let go enough of my pride and my ego to allow him to steer. I don't have to see the destination, just the next step I need to take, and then trust Him to always reveal it to me.

I'm in a different place today - just four days after -37 . . . . in fact I could honestly report that today was a 10! Perspective and attitude obviously make all the difference in the world. Everything will work out - Pres. Hinckley, a prophet of God said so, "Be believing. Be happy. Don't get discouraged, things will work out." I can choose my life so I choose to believe him.
~ Julia

Facing the Giants

I saw the movie Facing the Giants last night. Although the acting isn't great, I love the message. It's what I've been focusing on for the last several weeks. It's about committing, focusing your efforts, and leaving the outcome up to God. It's about realizing that we don't know what's best for us, what will bring forth the greatest purpose of our lives. We have been given inner desires, the passions and talents we were born with. And they move us in a direction in life. I believe these are the arenas in which we will play. But in order to make the most of our lives, really live our purpose, and influence others in the most significant way, we have to let go of the outcome and we have to ask for help from our Higher Power.
In the movie, the coach does this. He's at the end of his rope. He is full of fear. And so he turns to God and puts all of his trust in Him. The coach, in his asking, receives a download of what to do with his team to make the biggest impact, not necessarily to win. And then he acts on this download of information. He gets his team on board with him. And they work hard everyday, with the right focus. Then some amazing things start to happen. They start winning for one thing, some miracles occur in the lives of many players and then from there other students. He receives gifts that didn't seem in anyway related to what he was doing as a coach, that amaze and overwhelm him.
These are what I believe happen when we have the right focus and we really put in the work in a consistent manner. Karma comes back. We are blessed in miraculous ways. Sometimes the miracles are obvious and sometimes we have to look for them and acknowledge them as such. Today I will do these. I will recommit to the priorities in my life, practice the rituals that I have put in place and act on inspiration, and then I will look for the miracles of today. This is a way to see who we really are and see what we are capable of. It's better than we think. ~Julie

Expect Success!

I met a guy today who has "lost everything and started over" four times in his life. It reminded me of something Donald Trump said, that if he lost his fortune today, it wouldn't even matter. No one can take away his experience and wisdom. He knows how "the system" works, and he'd just create his empire again.

Is that what I'm supposed to learn from my financial challenges right now, that it really isn't the economy, the job market or the balance on my credit card that matters - it's what's in my head and my heart that counts! I have skills, talents and gifts that nobody else has. This circumstance is compelling me to share the essence of who I am, with many more people.

There are other options. I could live in government housing and live on food stamps. Women choose this all the time. I'm not going to "take this lying down". I'm a fighter. I view trials and challenges as opportunities to show exactly what we're made of.

I am a champion; a woman of great capacity - as I radiate the joy that comes from living God's perfect plan of happiness. He wouldn't allow this test to come into my experience without also giving me the ability to work my way out of it. (1 Nephi 3:7) Having God on my side, I expect to succeed. I live my life as a river - constantly surprised by it's own unfolding. I can't wait to see what's around the next bend. It's an amazing adventure. ~ Julia

Staying in the Flow

I'm finding out what happens when you are committed and when you do admit you're powerless. What I'm starting to see is that things move to a place of ease and flowing. Things begin to happen. Sometimes they aren't big things, yet. Sometimes they are just little things, like ideas or interactions with someone. But there is a quality to the ideas and to the interaction that feels different. It feels like something is opening up. It feels good, exciting even. It has an effect on your day. It is easier to feel grateful and blessed.
So, what's next when you begin to feel this way? Keep it going, of course, but you can't force it. If you try to force it, you move out of the space and move into ego. Ego wants to force everything. Listen for the feeling of resistance or forcing or frustration beginning and stop there. It's time to focus on something else. You can come back to it later when it's the right time. Balance is part of it. If there are other priorities like home, children, husband, etc, those need to be given time, attention, presence. That is the way to continue the flow. Remember to do the rituals that you have set for each of your priorities, maintaining the commitment. Then it will come back around and it will be time to again work on the idea. And because you listened to those feelings of maintaining balance and priority, I suspect, the ideas and the next steps will follow. I will try this and learn and we will hopefully see what it is like to remain in the flow. Let's try this experiment together. ~ Julie

Actions are linked to beliefs

Beliefs create actions. We can always see someone's behaviors, and know that they are linked to their core beliefs. If I don't like the results (the symptoms) of my choices, I can be sure that what's at the foundation, the real problem, is my messed up belief - because my life is a perfect reflection of what I believe. My circumstances are congruent with how I view myself and the world that surrounds me. If I were on "a higher vibration", better things would be happening to me. I attract who I am, not what I want. I can say I want something with my words, but my choices and actions, (driven by my beliefs), bring me my results, my circumstances.

This is a rough reality for someone who married a controlling man, has seven children, is divorced and who's "wasband" just quit paying child support and alimony. What do these facts say about me? Where am I. I won't let myself deserve anything other than what I've got right now, at this very moment.

Somehow I will find and fix the beliefs that are causing these undesirable results. I will become liberated from the deception and lies that I've bought into all my life. I will uncover and re-examine "what makes me tick". I will choose new, healthier beliefs to live my life by.

When this happens, I will find a job that is perfect for me, using my talents and extra ordinary genius. I will make enough money to be self sufficient, and support myself and my little ones. I will fix up the home I live in, or sell it and move to a new home that is in good repair. I will exercise and eat more healthy more consistently. I will feel close to the spirit, being guided by the Lord and having an inner peace that permeates everything I do. I will find and fall in love with the man of my dreams - we will be equally yoked, and complete this amazing journey side by side. I will drive a truck. I'll be completely out of debt. I'll be the co-founder of an incredible women's center, where women come to be strengthened, blessed, nurtured and healed.

When I expose one core belief at a time, everything about me and the circumstances that surround me will change. I'm committed to being patient with myself, knowing that life brings me everything I need at the perfect time and in the perfect way. I can't go from A to Z in a single bound. I'm content to savor the lessons and enjoy the journey. Life is an amazing adventure. I accept and embrace where I am now, and look forward to all the wonderful things that await me in the future. ~ Julia

I am Powerless

So, I learned something this past week. I learned that no matter how hard I try to change myself, I cannot do it alone. I believe that I have to depend on a Higher Power to change me. I have to admit that I cannot do the changing and I need help. You see, my husband and I have been doing all we know how to do in changing our financial situation. We use affirmations, we are grateful, we pay tithing, we serve others, we work hard, we are good people, we are believing. But these things aren't enough. We have to be changed at the heart. We have to emit a different energy than we do. And we can only do so much toward that energy emitting. To actually change our vibration to a higher one in terms of financial abundance, we have to ask God to grace us with that. So, I will still do all that I can do to change, to improve our situation. But I will also, every day, turn it over to God. I will admit I need Him. I will and do ask Him to change me. Here is my poem about this:

"I am powerless" . . .
When I act it
Or when I say it
Disguised in other words,
Then it is true.
But when I say it,
When I acknowledge it
And turn to Source
It brings power
Transforms to
"I am powerful". . .
It's the only way
I just say it
"I am powerless"
And I fall to my knees.

So as I let go and let God, I know I will be taught and I know I will be guided. May it be so for you too. ~Julie